You know, sometimes it seems that life can be a real drag. We make plans, have certain expectations of what we wish to happen and then we are disappointed when our plans or expectations turn out to be the opposite of what we expected. For the past year I have been struggling with health issues brought on by surgery that was supposed to improve my quality of life…instead it caused other issues. Many days and nights have been spent in prayer asking, “Why, Lord?” and “How long?” ...the cries of all who struggle with things in their lives. Yet I know that my God is with me. He shows His mercies each and ever day, but some days it is difficult for me to accept these in the light of the uncertainty I experience. Recently, however, God has been speaking to me from every direction it seems. Through the Bible, through Christian radio, through others. All of these were recently crystallized in the song “Blessings” by Laura Story. The first time I heard this song was on my way into school, and it was so powerful, so obvious that I started to cry:
We pray for blessings.
We pray for peace,
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep.
We pray for healing, for prosperity.
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering.
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things.
‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise?
As I listened to these lyrics, it finally occurred to me that instead of asking “Why?” I should be pondering those “What if…” questions.
Even in the midst of all I go through on a daily basis, I know I am blessed. I am surrounded by my Christian family, fiancé, and friends, I have a roof over my head, a great job, and a God who cares about my day-to-day activities, thoughts, feelings, pain; a God who loves and cares for me. Yes, me!! Who am I to ask “Why?” when I have so much for which I am thankful? But even if all these were taken from me, I would still be able to rejoice because Jesus has saved me. In the light of eternity, this is what matters: that I serve and love Him because He first lived me and gave Himself to carry my sin and die on a cross and be resurrected to sit on the rand hand of God the Father. It also matters that I share this blessed news with others who struggle through life without my God who will do the same for them.
I am by no means perfect, and I have to remind myself on a daily basis to focus on the positive and not the negative that Satan prefers. Instead of asking, "Why me?" I am learning to ask, "Why not me?" If I really consider this past year, would I want to trade any moment? God has shown himself in many ways and to exchange that for a completely healthy body isn’t worth it. I know that these experiences have drawn me closer to Him, and I know that "I'm sheltered in the arms of God." You can't buy or trade that peace of mind for anything in this world.
